(Source: loveforryangosling)

haha wow im addicted!



im absoutely in love with this boy <3


so my boyfriend and one of his really close friends are having problems. my bf believe that his friend ditches him all the time for these other two dudes. they are acting like they are dating jeez. and now they wanna fight. well i talked my bfs friend into dropping it and all that but my bf is a little stubborn. well anyways. the reaspon why i think they should work it out is becasue they have been friends forever.  they have been through a lot. and i know how i felt when i lost my bff that i was friends with forever. and also he helps keep my bf outta trouble. well he helps him get into trouble  abit but major trouble he helps him stay out of. especially when it comes to me. like i remeber one time we went to a party and my bf got shit faced. he was drunk and high and it was crazy. he was really pissing me off cause one i dont like smoking and two i hate it when he gets drunk because then he gets really pissy and clingy and he just becomes a little violent not much but like where he grabs my arm and pulls me his way. no biggie though. but anyways and then his friend kept telling him to chill and also talked me out of breaking up with my bf several times that night. he is always the mediator betweeen me and my bf. casue sometimes we just wanna rip their heads off. lol. UGH! i dont know how i am gonna talk him into this. i hate seeing them two like this. it breaks my heart especially since i care for both of them. different ways but i still do. i have known my bfs friend since like the 6th grade. he is also my ex. and i have known my bf since elementary school. i care a lot for these two boys and they need to get over it all and suck it up…..UGH!


so there is this guy, you know the one who is no good for me, the one i fight with 24/7, the jerk im in love with…well we have finally gotten back together and i think we might have a chance this time. we hardly fight and when we do we get over it in 2 seconds. he quit drinking and smoking and all that shit for me. (without me asking) he threw away a WHOLE pack of cigarettes for me.! i coudnt believe it! :D i know i should just let him go but he has been the only one here for me these past few weeks. everyone else was too self involoved and too worried about screwing me over than worrying about what i was depressed about. but whatever. im happy and thats all that matters! <3 december 13,2011 was not just a joke. and neither is April 2, 2012! i love you slade. this love is ours <3

to be honest…

i could care less who sees these posts. i just use tumblr to vent. and to get things off my chest. since all ym friends have to decided to leave me. i have nothing good in my life anymore. nothing to live for. with no friends, a stressful job, overprotective parents, getting ready for my senior year and moving on to college, being in love with a complete jerk, yeah i have nothing to live for anymore. i cry myself to sleeo every night. i never really wanna do anything anymore becasue im so depressed plus i have no one to go with so even if i wanted to i couldnt. :/ i just want to die. honestly. or move far far far away from here which is what i wanna do when i go to college. i want to go somewhere far far far away. so i dont have to deal with anyones crap anymore. im 17 and i already hate life enough where i want it to end right now. that should say something to people. maybe its me. maybe im the problem. maybe im the reason everyone acts this way. the world would just be a better place without me. :/ no, no one has to worry about me commiting suicide, becasue im too weak for that. i dotn have the guts to even hurt myself on purpose. i hate sharp objects and i hate blood. and i hate pain. so no i will deff keep myself alive. i honestly wish i did have the guts. it would save a lot of inside pain that i am feeling right now…… i absoutely HATE life. i need some new changes in my life. and that requires me moving far far far away! :/

i have my wedding all planned out…..

the dong me and my dad will dance to will be “how do i live” by Leann Rimes. (:

and the song me and my hubby will dance to will be “i swear” by George Strait. (:

i want my colors to be a pretty orange, and white.

i will have a strapless dress, the poofs out.(:

i want 4 bridesmaids. my maid of honor will be a guy (:

and our honeymoon will be on a beach somewhere. and we will get married on a bright sunny day in June (: and the reception will be in a big huge fancy hotel! imma save up for a long time for this!

<3 my dream wedding!

Now you want me?

Now that you realize I was the only one ever there for you now you want me? That I was the one who always understood and tried telling you what was best for you, now you want me? That I was the person who stood by you even though you ditched me for everyone under the sun, now you want me? When everyone else turned fake and left you, now you want me? Now that I have given up on our friendship and just gotten okay with it, now you want me? Yeah I don’t think so!

i dont know how much more i can take

lately my life has been crappy. there is just so much going on. i stayed home from school today cause i just cant take it anymore. every second i wanna burst into tears unless i am with him. and being with him isnt good for me. we fight all the time and we have been through way to much like its crazy. i know he isnt good for me but he is my happiness. everyone trys to keep me away from him but i just….i love him. i do. anyways. all my friends are backstabbers. i literally have not one true friend. isnt that bad? the only people i trust are people i work with and thats only a few people. :/ my parents dont understand any of it. work is killing me. i work all the time. plus school. plus this is my junior year so i have to worry about college now and the SAT and the ACT. :/  and my last year of taks. everyone expects WAY too much for me. im almost failing history and physics. :/ugh! :/ life has just become too much. im tired of pretending to be okay. cause IM NOT! and no one understands!!!


so my best friend, who is currently away in the army…, just told me to look up this song….it made me cry. i miss you so much Colt so much. especially now that everything is wrong. you always listen to me when i need you. you are the definition of THE bestest friend in the world. i dont know what i would do without you! be safe! come back home in one piece (: lol cause i know how much of a trouble maker you can be. Colt, you are my best friend and i cant wait until you come back.! right now you are the only person i can fully trust…..i would trust you with my life. my everything. you are always giving me new songs to listen to. i miss you so much! i love you Colt.dont ever forget how much you mean to me. i would do anything for you. ANYTHING. :D ♥


                                Love Forever,

                                    Your Best Friend Meghan <3